Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Politics (they're everywhere!)
As unimpressed as I am so far with both the D & R wanna be candidates, the office politics going on right now where I work are so much more painful. They are affecting friendships and previously positive working relationships practically to the point of paranoia. All because contractor and non-contractor staff (some of you will get this) are being forced to form new working relationships ... wait, new isn't the right word - NON working relationships is much more accurate. Friends and co-workers of 3o years (little more, little less, it's a helluva long time) are being forced to either take jobs at lesser pay levels or leave. Here's hoping all the smart ones will leave rather than be taken advantage of. And who knows for sure if any of us will still be there in a few months. Not I. But if I am one of those lucky (?) enough to survive the office holocaust, let me just say I will miss those of you who don't. On the other hand, if I am one of those handed a pink slip without an offer from the new company forthcoming ... I will miss those of you are lucky (?) enough to stay. And God bless us - everyone!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
From oldest daughter (the almost nurse!) ...
You know you're a nurse when..
1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!"
2) you occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
6) you believe there's a special place for the inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) you've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious.
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time
correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
30) you've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!"
2) you occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
6) you believe there's a special place for the inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) you've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious.
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time
correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
30) you've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Worry
WORRY
Is there a magic cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable for their own
Actions? Is there a wonderful moment when
Parents can become detached spectators in
The lives of their children and shrug, 'It's
Their life,' and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
Corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
Stitches in my daughter's head. I asked, 'When do
You stop worrying?' The nurse said,
'When they get out of the accident stage.' My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little
Chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
Children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
And was headed for a career making
License plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher
Said, 'Don't worry, they all go through
This stage and then you can sit back, relax and
Enjoy them.' My dad just smiled
Faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime
Waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come
Home, the front door to open. A friend said,
'They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry ,
In a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be
Adults.' My dad just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being
Vulnerable. I was still worrying over my
Children, but there was a new wrinkle. There
Was nothing I could do about it. My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. I
Continued to anguish over their failures, be
Tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
Their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married I
Could stop worrying and lead my own
Life. I wanted to believe that, but I was
Haunted by my dad's warm smile and his
Occasional, 'You look pale. Are you all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are
You depressed about something?'
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
Lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another
Handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
Human frailties and the fears of the
Unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
That elevates us to the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable
Recently, saying to me, 'Where were you? I've been
Calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.'
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.
PASS IT ON TO OTHER WONDERFUL PARENTS
(And also to your children. That's the fun part)
This 'Worry' email that showed up in my in-box seems especially appropriate today ... oldest daughter, who is 22, is recuperating from having her tonsils out yesterday. So I've been playing nurse (in a funny reversal of roles since *she* is the nursing student :) - doling out her medicines on schedule, making sure she stays hydrated by keeping her glass always full (gatorade, ice water, chicken broth, multi-colors of finger jell-o!), checking on her in the night to make sure she doesn't stop breathing what with the swelling in her throat and all. And youngest daughter, well she is hitting the road to go visit the boy she's gotten so fond of. She has a 2-hour trip ahead of her (new front brakes and fresh oil change for Doug!), and she was not so happy with me telling her to return Sunday so she stays ahead of the freezing rain and snow that is predicted for Monday. Yes, you're right, tomorrow is Sunday.
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